Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
