how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
