Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
