The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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