every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
