You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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