im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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