"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
