Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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