Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
