you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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