I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
