she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
