this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
