At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
