I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
