I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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