so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
