sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
