im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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