Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
