Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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