I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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