idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love you. Go after that dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
