I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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