I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
