Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
