remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i think my cat just said my name.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
