Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
