i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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