she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
