omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
