your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
