All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
