so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
