I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
