Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
