So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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