Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
