True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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