Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
