Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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