How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
