Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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