if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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