is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
