That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
