I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
