I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
