i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
